Evangelion just made my life harder
I’ve just finished watching a legendary, timeless, absurd anime called Neon Genesis Evangelion, or more commonly known as Evangelion.
At first glance, I thought “oh hey cool, this looks like Gundam”. Until I realized, boy it looks like Gundam, tastes like Gundam, but feels like ✨depression✨.
I’ve heard that the creator, Hideaki Anno, produced this anime while he was struggling with depression himself. I guessed it was not easy for him to bet his career in this anime while also betting on himself being able to get through this whole process. I wonder if the pressure he imagined himself having was more than the pressure that really came from the externals.
At one point in the series, one like struck me the most
“If you understand yourself, you can be kinder to yourself, right?”
I didn’t think it made sense. Why would understanding ourselves can make us less hurtful or more careful with ourselves?
If you finally understood that you were not good socially, but you were always a great writer, would you take care of yourself better?
If you finally understood that you might not be the smartest people at work, but you knew you threw great jokes every now and then, would you finally be able to accept yourself better?
To be honest, I still don’t think it makes sense. Somehow, my brain still trying to make sense out of it. “Understanding yourself” might lead to a better chance of “accepting yourself”, which then will give you more room to breathe and to be kinder to yourself.
But that’s the problem, at least it’s my problem.
Understanding myself is hard enough but doable. Accepting it is one that I don’t know how to.
Oh shoot. Forget it, now it’s time for me to jam my soul with YOASOBI’s songs. I’m out.
